Want to add a little drama to your life? There’s an app for that.

Facebook and Instagram are great for seeing the very best of people you know and love — and people you sort of know or bumped into that time at Starbucks. They’re great for sharing pictures of your precious kids and their accomplishments, your amazing school, or all the hilarious shenanigans your Elf on the Shelf engaged in last month. Your reach is near and far, across friends and acquaintances around the globe.

But what about those times you want to throw some shade at people who live within walking distance without the safety and security of a fake username or avatar? Well, friends, that’s what the Nextdoor app is for, and here are some reasons you should join, like, yesterday:

—You lost your pet. If you post a picture of your adorable lost cat or dog on this app, six to eight neighborhood heroes will jump into their cars and search until your beloved furry friend is home safe. On the flip side, 11 to 17 neighbors will criticize how you care for your cat, remind you of our coyote problem, and tell you, “Pets do not belong outside, and you are an unfit owner and terrible person.” Do not engage.

—You seek recommendations. Need a lawyer? A podiatrist? A throw rug? People will gladly share their favorites. Then OTHER people will post why that’s a heinous choice and detail their worst experiences. There will be fights. This is not a probability. It’s a promise. Bring popcorn.

—You can sell your car for more than you’d get trading it in. If you list your car at a reasonable price, you will likely get several offers within minutes. Be prepared for one or two neighbors with lots of time on their hands to pull up every recall that has ever been issued on your make/model/year in an attempt to foil your sale. (This is a super-awesome feature you will not find on cars.com.)

—You’ll get urgent alerts. When you create a post, you have the option to mark it “urgent,” which is a convenient way to send mass text alerts to every subscriber in your neighborhood. Be careful what you mark urgent, though, because Nextdoor members take their notifications very seriously. (Someone marked a yard sale urgent once, and I heard they found his body tied to a cinder block at the bottom of Lake Ivanhoe.) These rule-abiding neighbors will remind you that urgent alerts are reserved only for people who are in life-threatening situations. Because, obviously, you should post to Nextdoor before calling 911.

NextDoor reaches almost 5,000 people in and around the 32804 and is therefore an extremely powerful marketing and communication tool, but with great power comes great responsibility, so use it wisely. I am about to log on myself and wish everyone a happy 2018. I should probably mark that urgent.

Happy 2018!

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